218) Twitter

It's easy to understand the unwaveringly seductive appeal of a website that allows you to know how Dennis Haysbert felt about "All About Steve" and follow the every mindless thought of your one "political" friend who doesn't really know anything about politics or having friends in the same place. Seriously, what's not annoying about the one thing that everybody who knows very little about modern technology/life won't stop talking about, from its astonishing power to break up the relationship of the two blandest people on Earth to its apparent power to save Iran or something, Twitter is to today what television was to the 40s: a pretty cool idea that won't actually intentionally do anything worthwhile for roughly 60 years.



Plus, when the thing breaks down, you get to see a, um, whale with, uh, birds. So. There's that. No saccharine-soaked annoyance there. No sir.

So we can expect plenty of Twitter equivalents to "The Newlywed Game", "Small Wonder", and "Wheel of Fortune", dotted with the occasional Twitterverse equivalent of the Moon landing and "Twin Peaks" until finally the Twitter gets its "Lost".


It's worth noting/mourning the fact typing the term "Twitterverse" did not yield a red squiggly underlining. Repent.

Also, because we want to keep up the appearance of actual work without actually doing to much of it, we now have a Twitter page/account/tweeting area/thing:
http://twitter.com/TheDailyHated

217) Gerard Butler's Agent

Gerard Butler holds Hollywood's dubious distinction of being the biggest star to have made zero (0) good movies. A sampling:

-Time Line
-Lara Croft: Whatever of Such and Such
-Dracula 2000
-P.S. I Love You (the memory of which upon typing the title, it should be noted, just caused a pixie to die)
-Gamer

Which is not that surprising, since Butler also holds the dubious distinction of both having "burst on to the scene"* in the Joel Schumacher-directed big-screen adaptation of the most overly and unjustly beloved musical of all time, "The Phantom of the Opera" and having starred in the highest-grossing feature-length Playstation1 cutscene/gay porn of all time, "300".



Thing is, unlike, say, Jennifer Aniston (with whom he is apparently in a one-shirted relationship...) , the only real problem we have with Butler is every single movie he has made ever. Shouldn't we love him? He's Scottish! And the list of things from Scotland that we love far outweigh and outnumber Butler's filmography (Craig Ferguson, David Tennant, Travis, the entire cast of "Trainspotting", transparent tape). And he sort of looks like he might be Australian, too. Like a Scottish Russell Crowe. Aren't these people supposed to make good movies? Where's Butler's "Gladiator"??

Oh, wait.


*remind us to do one about annoying Hollywood-"journalism" lingo

216) Carrie Prejean

We're not exactly sure which religion Carrie Prejean belongs to, but apparently it's built around two principles: Gays can't get married, and the first amendment of the United States Constitution protects individuals from doing whatever the hell they want. She refers to it as "Christianity", whereas other notable historical figures, such as Jesus, would take issue with this particular interpretation of Christianity.

The problem for Ms. Prejean is that she has forgotten to adequately educate herself on the inner workings of two key documents: The United States Constitution (on which the United States Constitution is based) and the New Testament of the Bible (on which Christianity is based).

As to the first point, reading the New Testament as some kind of carte blanche for gay bashing wouldn't be unlike reading "The Lord of the Rings" and surmising its central message is that select trees can talk slowly and stage uprisings against evil wizards. Getting past whether or not this is even true, it sort of overlooks the slightly more significant themes.

As to the second point, I'd like to pose this analogy: Let's say you hire me to do a job. Let's say that job is customer service for, say, T-Mobile. And let's say someone calls the customer service line and asks me what I think of T-Mobile's service, and I say T-Mobile's service is a bunch of shit and, oh, by the way, caller, I think you're a heathen. Just to top it off, let's also say I never show up for work, and happen to exclaim loudly that I don't believe my co-workers deserve equal protection under the law. Especially the Mexicans. And let's say I go on to point out that this is merely a reflection of my religious beliefs. And let's say this rubs the people at T-Mobile the wrong way. They then have the right to fire me.

They cannot, however, have me arrested. So says the Constitution.

Civics!