153) Overly Generous Definitions of "Stars"

Neither of us are 70, and so we're neither of the generation that considers watching others performing ballroom dancing routines a significant or authentic form of "entertainment".


And now, here's your host: that guy you're pretty sure you remember hosting that other show you saw a couple times!

Therefore, there is nothing intrinsically interesting or alluring about the "dancing" aspect of "Dancing with the Stars".

But, wait a second...stars? Really? Hmmm, well...while we wouldn't pay to see if Tom Cruise can tango without the assistance of a sports car and meticulous John Woo choreography, or to see Justin Timberlake attempt a little salsa with someone other than himself, or what would happen when someone applied a force greater than a minor wind to Anne Hathaway, or if Steve Carrell is, in fact, awesome at everything, the general idea is still intriguing enough that we might spend an hour a week to find out, since it's free.

This would not be true, however, if the producers of "Dancing with the Stars" decided that the definition of "star" included Justin Timberlake's former fellow boy-bandmate Joey Fatone; Justin Timberlake's former fellow boybandmate and noted closet-coming-of-outer Lance Bass; former "Saved by the Bell" star and current host-for-hire Mario Lopez; noted one-dreadful-hit-wonder and one half of the team biologically responsible for Miley Cyrus, Billy Ray Cyrus; Osmond Marie Osmond; non-famous brother of former Jessica Simpson husband and member of a second-rate boyband Nick Lachey, Drew Lachey; former Joey Lawrence and noted "whoa"-sayer Joseph Lawrence; and legitimate stars if it were still 1993, Jennie Garth and Ian Ziering.

Dictionary.com provides 22 definitions of the word,"star". Not one of them applies to Harry Hamlin.

Just to be sure, we had our research team check to see if the title "Dancing with the C or D-List" was already taken when "Dancing with the Stars" debuted in 2005.

It wasn't.